I’ve lived for a while now, and in that time I think I’ve loved a lot. In the same way that one has laughed a lot or cried a lot. In the same way that one has asked the question, “what is love,” a lot. I think the world has tried to answer this for as long as humans have been alive. And, I think they’re all valid answers. Maybe we’re all just chipping away at the meaning like it’s an academic field to be explored and discussed. Or maybe it’s a philosophical question that may never truly be answered. 

Some people think it’s too grand to answer simply. 

And some people simply answer it. 

Is it the little things: a plate of cut fruit, a tank full of gas and a sticky note telling us “good luck”.

Is it the things of woe: a bundle of flowers, a serenade in the front yard and handwritten poetry? 

Is it the rational things: a financial provider, compatible values and friendship? 

Is it young like the first love that you felt? Like a first pet? 

Is it old like a long lasting marriage full of grandchildren? Or a friendship that survives long distance? 

Is it what the conversation on social media has to say, a relationship with emotional intelligence, couple’s therapy and mutual respect?

Is it sacrifice, to give up everything one has to offer, one’s self to prove a love undying? 

I once heard that to be loved, is to be seen. 

Is it to be seen? 

I also heard that it’s to give up one’s ego and put others’ feelings first. To allow them to fully be themselves. To not judge on the standard of how you would handle the situation.

When I was younger, I used to think love was the butterflies and passed notes. I used to think that it was playful banter and teasing. Looking forward to seeing them just to act like you didn’t care in the first place. It’s the giddiness and heart flips, from sudden smiles to the late night conversations that feel not of this world. 

Now, I lean more towards love being a healthy relationship. One of care, mutual respect and emotional intelligence. One of compromise and a “us against the world, not us against each other” mentality. It is “you are more important to me than winning this argument”. It is, “I trust you”. It is two individuals coming together because they want to share a life together. It is two full cups that pour into the other in moments of need. It is a realistic love, one forged on common values and shared life goals. It is a mature love, one composed of people who are aware enough to understand their attachment styles and shortcomings, and work towards healing themselves so they don’t hurt their loved ones. It’s taking accountability for their actions and choosing to be better for themselves. It’s having self-love and self-respect. It is being able to walk away from anything less than they deserve. 

I also heard that “love is in spite of”. It puzzled me at first, it didn’t sound handsome at all. But then it grew on me. I love you despite that… 

You leave the toilet seat up. 

You chew with your mouth open. 

You are taller than me in heels. 

You are bad at dancing. 

It’s all encompassing. It’s choosing to be with someone despite having flaws. It’s accepting those flaws and loving them as a whole. 

In a leaning loveless society, this seems hard. Everyone seems to think that there will be someone better. Someone else. That if I get into a relationship and we fight all the time, and it’s hard and uncomfortable that there will be someone else out there for me. And it will be easy again. 

It’s always easy in the beginning.

Everyone shows up as their best in the beginning. 

As I’m writing this, “I love you despite that” is becoming more and more appealing. To be truly loved is to be loved when it’s inconvenient to be loved. It’s being sick and loved. It’s being paralyzed and loved. It’s being a wreck and still, loved. 

Love is a verb. 

Love is always showing up for each other. It’s being wowed at their attractiveness even after having seen it a hundred times. It’s flirting even though you’ve been together for years. It’s “even though I got you, I’m still going to chase you”. It’s never settling and getting comfortable. I guess this coincides with love is a choice. You choose to take care of one another. You choose loyalty over temptation. You choose your actions. 

Is it irrational? 

Love can be so cringey and corny, and sometimes makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. I think I’ve done and seen a lot of illogical things happen because of love. You know how we watch those movies where the main characters are under a spell and it’s their love for each other that breaks it even when we’ve tried everything? I don’t feel like this is that far off from the truth. Love gives us the strength to immigrate to new worlds for your children. It’s running into the burning fire to save your cat. It’s leaving behind a prestigious wealthy life you’ve built for the one person you love. It’s a grand foolish gesture that you may not have the courage or stupidity to do, but when push comes to shove, it’s there. It is definitely irrational sometimes. But it is also believing. Strength. Magic.

So, love is magic. 

I don’t know if love is a person. I don’t know if that’s too bold of a proclamation or too narrow of a target. But I was inspired to write this because of one person. Love is inspiration. Love is inspirational. Maybe this will convey everything I think when I speak of love. 

Love is.